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That night of my birthday, I had been waiting for Alexander Wilson for four hours long but there was no sign of him.
Well, I saw the picture of him sitting on the sofa in his profile, posted on his first love’s Instagram.
She also wrote, “You are the source of my sense of security.”
I was supposed to be jealous, throw a huge fit, and call to question him right away.
Instead, my mind settled as still water.
This was the one hundred and the first time that he had broken the date.
I was so numb and used to this that I sent him a breakup text in calmness.
Then he was not calm at all.
That night of my birthday, I had been waiting for Alexander Wilson at a restaurant until 10:30 pm.
He broke the date with me again.
Seeing the photo posted on Camilla Bridges's Instagram caused no emotion inside me.
At right that moment, I found myself willing to let everything go.
... ...
Alexander reserved a table for two at that restaurant.
Last month, on Camilla Bridges's birthday, Alexander took her to see the sunrise by the sea.
I questioned him furiously but he complained that I was being oversensitive. He explained that he went out with his friends to the beach, not just him and Camilla alone.
For this, we fell into a 'cold war' for half a month.
Yesterday, Alexander texted me that he had reserved a table and invited me for dinner.
I know, he was offering an opportunity to make peace.
Every time we argued or fought, it would always be me who started to speak to him, breaking the ice.
He then would give me a gift or show some care after we restored the normal relations. Even a single sweet word from him would make me happy for a whole day and I would forget about all the displeasure and resume my enthusiasm for him.
The above process repeated itself for the past years.
It was like, if he slapped me, I would still forgive him for giving me candy afterwards.
He took the whole control of our relationship.
I was like a kite flying in the sky but the string was gripped tight by his hand.
My emotions depend on his emotions.
I am the one to blame for what I have been reduced to.
Because I lost my dignity when loving him.
Yesterday, he invited me for dinner but I found myself not as excited as I used to be.
If I am still who I have been, the fact that he still remember my birthday will flatter me.
After all, for my past birthdays, I had to remind him endless times so that he would remember to buy me a gift or something.
I even forgot my birthday myself this year and it really surprised me that Alexander took the initiative to mention it.
Only when I received his text at work yesterday, did I realize my birthday was around the corner.
Then I replied to him, "Good. See you tomorrow night."
Locking my phone, I return to work, not feeling anything just because he contacted me.
Today, off work, I get a message from Alexander, reading, See you in the restaurant.
I arrive at that restaurant first.
The set time is 7 pm and I arrive at 6:30 pm.
I waits and waits. At 8 pm, Alexander still doesn't come.
I call him, but get no answer; I text him, but get no reply.
Then at 9:30 pm, the waiter asks me if he should serve the food since the restaurant will close at 10:30 pm.
I nod to him.
I am chewing the streak without haste and drink some wine. At 10:30 pm, I walk out of the restaurant.
While waiting for the taxi on the road, I catches a photo posted by Camilla on her Instagram.
She also wrote, "You are the source of my sense of security."
That photo is of Alexander sitting on her sofa in profile.
The moment I catch sight of that photo, there is no anger, no grief, and no other emotions.
I am calm inside as if I have already known the answer to the riddle.
See. I knew it.
He had disappointed me because of Camilla every time.
The strange thing is that, this time, I doesn't feel sad at all.
Arriving home, I go to sleep after a bath.
At midnight, I am in a deep sleep but the opening door wakes me up.
I know it must be Alexander.
A bit annoyed by the noise, I doesn't open my eyes to pretend to be asleep. I have no interest to talk to him.
I can still hear his footsteps near the head of the bed but he doesn't seem to open his mouth.
Though my eyes closed, I can still feel an intense stare from him.
"What is wrong with Alexander? Isn't he going to take a shower and sleep? Why is he staring at me?" I was so confused, "Being stared at was really annoying."
Could it be that he feel strange that I didn't leave the lights on, angrily sit in the living room, and question him like I did before?
He should be happy since I didn't go crazy this time.
I used to break out even to the point of losing control, and he would stand beside me and look at me with a pair of eyes filled with disgust and ignorance.If I met his eyes, I knew he was treating me like a crazy clown with his despising eyes.
